Hartlepool Half Part One

What the hell's this I hear you say.

A blog that just starts on a Saturday with no build up and Simon's not even running another marathon this year.

Yeah well I'm just following on from my last blog and after my tales of Middle School bullying I'm back because Jim and Natasha both bullied me and made me cry. I won't repeat what they said but it was brutal and it cut deep and they've forced me into blogging for the Hartlepool Half in 4 weeks.

Some might say it's because they both have dull, empty lives and my stories bring a ray of sunshine into their otherwise dull and vacuous existences.  

I wouldn't say, but some people would.

Ben Willcox said it.

I heard him.

It's Saturday morning and it's parkrun pacer week, I bloody love pacer week. My preferred pacing duties are very much intertwined with how I'm feeling, so if I'm feeling fit and skinny I go for 22 mins, if I'm feeling a bit fat and slow I go for 23, if I'm knackered and struggling to fit into one of my  small Nike t-shirts I go for 24 and if I can't even fit into a small Adidas t shirt I go for 25.

Today's a 24 kind of day, I toyed with 23 but then got scared because I still feel wrecked from Manchester. I go out for some warm up miles and feel tired and slow and start regretting my decision, I'm wearing a small Adidas t-shirt but maybe it's a big small or maybe it got stretched and I should have gone 25?

I get to the start and decide I dont have much choice so 24 it is. So that's 7:40 mile pace, glad I'd don't go for 23 as that's 7:20 but the downside of not going for 23 is that Natasha has taken it and that means she beats me at parkrun but the bonus is Ben is doing 26 or something so at least I beat him.

Mile 1 and I'm boxed in badly and I'm already a minute a mile off the pace. Head round the skatepark and onto the prom and start weaving to lift the pace. Mile 1 in 7:36 and I actually feel okay, I'm listening to The Prodigy and need to stay on pace but the tempo of the music keeps making me lift my pace. Settle into mile 2 and again I feel okay, The Prodigy have finished but The Chemical Brothers are playing now and they've got me down to a 7:33 and I need to ease back a bit.

Heading towards mile 3 and it's a little more sedated, we've got some Dolly Parton now on the playlist and I'm around 7:45 pace which balances out the early speedier miles. But then kneecap come on again and I pick it up again and it's a 7:39 and then a little bit to finish and cross the line in 23:51 which in my book is a well paced parkrun.

All of a sudden the announcer says we're staring in 30 seconds. Then we're off. The first bit is on the track and then out the stadium, I check my watch and I'm doing 6:40 mile pace which is idiotic so I slow down and settle into a more sedate pace. I have no idea what time to aim for.

Yesterday 7:40 pace at parkrun was okay but my heart rate was a little high which means I'm not quite ready to hold that for a long time so I think maybe just under 8's should be okay? I guess around 7:50 a mile will be sustainable.

I go through the first mile in 7:16 and tell myself I'm a twat but in my defence it was downhill. I slow and settle down and mile 2 is 7:28 and feels much better. It's a really twisty and undulating course and I feel like I'm speeding up and slowing down all the time but I feel fine so decide to ignore the pace and just run.  I figure if it feels hard I'll slow down and if it feels okay I'll speed up.

I don't bother looking at my watch, I go up a hill, down a hill, round a cone, up a hill, down a hill, over a bridge, see Will, see Oliver, go round a cone, see Jim, go up a hill, go round another cone and then do it all again.

I'm waiting for my watch to beep for 4 miles and I feel okay and then it beeps. It's 6 miles, I've lost 2 miles.

There's so many distance markers and they make no sense, they have miles and km and there is a 10k, a half and a marathon all on the same course and no markers say what event they are for. Of course I could look at my watch but I don't want to and it's much easier to just complain about the markers instead.

Should be coming up to 8 miles now.

Decide I'll have a gel about 10 miles. Watch beeps. It's 10 miles. I've lost another 2 miles. Take the gel and back over the bridge to Newcastle. See Will again and he grabs some photos of me, check these later and I don't look horrific which is a bonus.

Loop round a cone and then back over the bridge and then it's basically a climb all the way back to the stadium to finish. I hit the 12 mile marker and I check my watch. I'm actually doing okay here, this could be a sub 1:45 and I feel fine. I'm not knackered, my legs feel good and I don't feel like I'm working that hard.

The climb towards the stadium is horrible and goes on for ages, glad I'm not doing the marathon. We turn into the stadium and another small climb up the bank and through the gate and then onto the track.

I cross the line in 1:37 and I'm 5th placed V50 overall. I actually quite enjoyed that, not the course as that was shit but the experience. Jim if you're reading this you're still a shit for making me do it, I was hungover and tired and I wanted a lie in today but thank you.

Oh and well done on your 8th place finish and 1st V50.  

Bastard.  

I used to beat Jim in races you know, I beat him at London Marathon in 2023, beat him loads of times to be honest. But then he cheated and he started training properly and watching his diet and running fast and in my books that's not fair.